Confessions of a Validation Junkie

I did it all for the cookie.  

Many men will come to discover the Manosphere and its painful truths only after hitting rock bottom in their marriage and googling phrases such as:

  • Why won’t my wife have sex with me?
  • How do I get my wife to ____?
  • My wife said she doesn’t love me anymore.

There are many reasons that men arrive here, all are valid and all are irrelevant.  Once the knowledge of the true nature of their relationships has been revealed, two questions confront them:

  1. What are you going to do with that knowledge?
  2. Why?

The first question can lead men to improve their situation.  But if you don’t get the second question right, your progress will eventually lead to bitterness and backsliding into Blue-Pill purgatory.

This is where I found myself a few years ago.  Before the Red Pill, I was a sad sack of beta schlub.   I was defined by my relationship with my wife.  I was not a man.  I was a sit-com husband.  I constantly sought the comfort of my wife’s approval for everything.

I vacillated between following my wife like a puppy dog looking for a treat and walking on eggshells so as not to upset her during her notorious mood swings.

I did my honey-do list.  I was the king of chore-play.  I deferred to her desires in nearly everything.  This seemed like chivalrous selflessness at the time.  But, in reality, it was the most unattractive, milquetoast behavior a “man” can exhibit.

You could practically hear her vagina dry up and clang shut when I entered the room.

 “I don’t know, Honey.  What do you want to [do|eat|watch]?” 

I couldn’t make a decision to save my life, which is literally what I needed to do.

So, I set to improving.  And, improve I did.  I found the Manosphere and with my new found knowledge set my mind to conquering mediocrity.

I hit the gym.  I developed some semblance of Game.  I dressed better.  I looked better.  I felt better.  For a while.

The affection increased.  The attention increased as well.  Still, I craved that sweet, sweet validation and approving glance from my wife up on her pedestal.  I was getting better so she would love me.  But she wasn’t loving the new me enough. For a junkie, it’s never enough.

I was killing it at work and our household was running like a well oiled machine.  Yet, she steadfastly refused to acknowledge how awesome I was.  She still neglected to greet me at the door with a martini in hand offering my after work blowjob, which I obviously deserved because I was so awesome.

My progress had plateaued and bitterness set in.

This is because I got the second question wrong.  I was taking this journey of self-improvement so that she would notice me, pat me on the head and give me my damn cookie.

A dead bedroom relationship can lead you to the right course of action as long as your goal is not to fix your dead bedroom relationship.

Here is the secret.  You cannot fix your relationship.  Because, your relationship is not broken.  It’s not even a thing.  Your relationship didn’t get fat and lazy.  You did.  Fix yourself, for yourself.   Pursuing a woman’s approval is the fastest way to lose it.